


I Will Wait

by eternaleponine



Series: Clexathon 2016 [10]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/F, no one dies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 06:39:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8963590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternaleponine/pseuds/eternaleponine
Summary: What if Clarke got shot instead of Lexa?





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Dww](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dww/gifts).



Lexa heard shouting, and then a crash, and she was almost to the door when she heard a bang that echoed off the stone and turned her blood to ice. She pushed the door of Clarke's room open in time to see her collapse, and then she saw Titus standing there, a gun still in his shaking hand, pointed at Clarke, and at her.

There was someone else in the room, she didn't even register who, but it didn't matter. "Seize him!" she shouted, and then fell to her knees beside Clarke, hoping that she'd just fallen, that she'd seen the gun and dropped to the floor, that...

But blood was already starting to spread across the stone, pooling beneath Clarke's fallen body thick and red, and she pushed her onto her back so she could try to find where she was hit, how bad it was...

"Clarke," she said. "Clarke, please..." 

Clarke's eyes were open, staring, but they slid into focus when Lexa touched her cheek. "I'm so—" she started to say, but Lexa didn't let her finish.

"No," she said. "No. You don't have anything to be sorry for. You didn't do this." She looked up and saw that Titus was still standing there, frozen, still holding the gun, and the man – boy – behind him hadn't moved. 

"Put the gun down," she growled. " _Now._ " Titus did as she commanded, and she gritted her teeth, trying to figure out how to manage this situation, how to fix this. "Come here," she said. "Help me move her to the bed."

"You need to put pressure on the wound," the man-boy said. She didn't know his name. She ought to know his name, shouldn't she? He was _Skaikru_ , and under other circumstances she would have asked Clarke, but Clarke... She blinked, shook her head to clear it. She had to stay calm. It would be okay. Clarke would be okay. She just had to stay calm.

She helped Titus get Clarke off the floor and onto the bed, and then she did as the Sky Person – "What's your name?" "Murphy." "Lexa." "No shit." – as Murphy said, and tore the case off a pillow and wadded it up to press it down hard against Clarke's side, which seemed to be the source of the blood. 

"Murphy, I need you to go out to the guards," she said. "I need one of them in here, and I need one of them to go find a healer."

He looked at her like he was thinking about refusing to follow the instructions, but then he nodded and went out into the hall. A minute later, he came back with one of her guards. "This man," she said, jerking her chin towards Titus, "has attempted to murder the ambassador of the Thirteenth Clan," she said. "You will lock him up until I have time to deal with him."

The guard blinked and looked at Murphy, as if he was sure that Lexa must have made a mistake when she'd indicated Titus was the one to be chained and taken away. " _Heda_ , he is—"

"Not anymore," she said. "Take him."

" _Sha, Heda._ " She watched as Titus was seized and pulled away, and he didn't even fight it. Maybe he knew that he had already lost. She would not, _could_ not, let something like this stand, no matter how long or how well he had served as _Fleimkepa_. In attacking Clarke, he had betrayed her. There would be no second chances.

She leaned close to Clarke, one hand still holding down the cloth, trying to stanch the flow of blood, the other coming up to her face, but her fingers were bloody and left streaks on her skin. She tried to wipe it away on the sheet. "Stay with me," she whispered. "Please, please stay with me."

"It's..." Clarke swallowed, her breath coming in gasps. "You need to check... for an... for an exit wound," she said. "If the bullet..." She grimaced. "If it's still in there... it's bad."

It looked bad whether the bullet was in there or not, as far as Lexa could tell. There was so much blood, and Clarke was so pale... 

"My back," Clarke said. "Check... my back."

"I don't want to hurt you," Lexa said. 

Clarke laughed. She actually _laughed_ , although it obviously hurt her to do so, and it was a short sound almost like a hiccup. "I'm already hurt, love," she said. "You won't make it worse."

The word echoed through Lexa's head, and her eyes flicked up to see if Murphy (who was still standing there like he had some right to be present for this, but maybe he just didn't know where else to go, and maybe it was better that he was here to witness, because if it got back to the Sky People that Clarke had been shot, things would get very ugly, very quickly) had heard it.

If he had, he gave no indication. "Help me roll her," she said. 

Murphy moved to the other side of the bed and put one hand on Clarke's shoulder and the other on her hip, and Lexa felt a flash of anger that he did it so casually, like he had any right to touch her... but now wasn't the time. She nodded, and he rolled Clarke onto her side.

She grunted. "See if there's... a wound... on my back to mm... to match the one on my front," she said. 

Lexa lifted her shirt, sodden with blood, and at first it was impossible to see anything, but she did what she could to wipe the blood away, and yes, there was another hole that blood was seeping from, draining the life from Clarke's body drop by drop, and she put her hand over it. "Yes," she said. "There is."

"That's good," Clarke said. 

"How?" Lexa demanded. "How is that good? It only means you're bleeding from two places instead of one."

Clarke tapped Murphy's arm, and he laid her back on her back. She looked at Lexa. "It means that the bullet isn't still... inside of me," she said. "If it was... we would have to get it out. Otherwise the risk of... of infection..." Her eyelids fluttered, and Lexa's heart spasmed. 

"No," she said. "Clarke, no, please, stay with me. I need you to stay with me."

Clarke forced her eyes open again. "My mom..."

"We'll get her," Lexa said, even though she knew that that would take more time than they probably had. "I've sent for one of our healers, but we'll get your mother. It'll be all right." 

" _Heda,_ " the guard who had been sent for the healer said, having returned alone, and it was all Lexa could do not to attack her, to demand that she go and find a healer and _drag_ them back if she had to. "The blockade."

"The blockade be damned!" Lexa snapped. "I don't care about the—"

"Lexa," Clarke whispered, but loud enough that she heard her, and her fingers fisted in Lexa's sleeve. "Wait."

Lexa turned to her, the guard almost completely forgotten. "What? What can I do?"

"You need to..." She swallowed, and her chest rose and fell in jerky motion. "Octavia. Waiting for me. Someone needs to tell her I'm not coming."

"I'll go," Murphy said. "I'll tell her."

"She can't know what happened here," Lexa said. "If your people think that my people—"

"Your people _did_ ," Murphy said. 

Lexa frowned. "I don't want this to spark a war. We've tried so hard..."

"Tell her... I'm injured. Tell her she needs to ride back to Arkadia, alert my mom. Don't... don't tell them the details. Please," Clarke said.

Murphy didn't look particularly inclined to agree, but finally he nodded, and Clarke told him where they were supposed to meet, and he left. As he was going out the door, the healer finally, at long last, arrived. 

"What's happened?" she asked. 

"She's been shot," Lexa said. "It went through. It's not still inside."

"Good," the healer said. "That's good." She put her hand over Lexa's that was still holding the cloth clamped against Clarke's side, applying as much pressure as she dared without feeling like she was hurting Clarke. "I need to see."

Lexa slowly lifted the cloth, and saw that the blood that bubbled up from the wound seemed thicker, darker, more sluggish now, and was that a good sign? Or was it a bad one? She couldn't remember, couldn't _think_ , and all she could think about as she watch the healer's hands on Clarke's skin was that she had been the one touching her there... could it really be only minutes before? She had been the one to stroke her skin and make her whimper, but then it had been in pleasure and now it was in pain. She moved closer to Clarke's head, reaching out to smooth back her hair. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"Not... your fault," Clarke said.

"Try to stay still," the healer murmured. "Please."

"I should never have..." Lexa frowned. She didn't even know what was going to say. Never have loved her? Never have fallen into bed with her when she was supposed to be making sure that Clarke made it out of the city safe? Never left her side until she was safely away? She had no idea. 

The healer did her work, cleaning the wound and then stitching it, and Lexa held Clarke's hands the entire time, even after she passed out from the pain and her grip went slack. Once the stitches were in place and a salve applied to keep it clean, the healer had Lexa sit her up so that she could wrap bandages around her middle, a folded cloth over each wound to absorb any blood that leaked through, and then long strips around her body to hold them in place.

"She's lucky," the healer said. "If it had hit more to the center, it would have done a great deal more damage. She might not be alive right now."

Lexa shivered. "Tell the guards we need to move her upstairs."

The healer frowned. "She needs to rest and recover. She should not be moved."

"I'm not leaving her to lay in a pool of her own blood," Lexa said. "Even if we change the sheets, it will have soaked through by now. We'll move her to my room."

" _Heda_ ," the healer said, but Lexa just shook her head. 

"I can't leave her here," she said. "I need her to be near me. I need to be able to watch over her."

"I'll have a litter brought. It's not a good idea, but if you are going to insist..."

"I am," Lexa said. 

The healer sighed but went to do as she was told, and Clarke was carefully transported up to Lexa's chambers. She didn't stir, even to moan in pain as she was moved, and Lexa wasn't sure if that was a good sign or a bad one. She tucked her in under the blankets and furs and sat beside her, knife in hand, trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do now to keep everything from completely collapsing around her. 

It was dark when one of the guards knocked on the door, and with a quick glance at Clarke she got up and answer. Behind the guard was Murphy, who looked ill at ease at best. "I got the message to Octavia," he said. "She's going to Arkadia."

Lexa nodded. She had sent some of her own riders to follow, to bring back Clarke's mother, and to make sure that all hell didn't break loose. Then it struck her that Murphy had come back to report to her. She hadn't asked him to. "You didn't go with her?"

Murphy shook his head. 

"Why not?"

"There's more for me on this side of the line than on that one," he said. 

Lexa wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but he'd helped her, helped Clarke, when she most needed it, and for that she owed him at least a small favor (and probably a large one). "Do you have a place to stay?" she asked. Murphy shrugged, which she took to be a no. "A room will be prepared for you," she said.

"I'm not staying here under guard," he said.

Lexa considered, then nodded. "You will be free to come and go as you please. But if you betray me, you will answer for it."

"Of course," Murphy said, and Lexa thought he might even have rolled his eyes. "What's a conversation with a Grounder if it doesn't include at least one threat?"

Lexa clenched her jaw. "You are the one who chose to stay. You stay in my city, you live by my rules."

"Yeah, yeah, got it. Thanks." He started to walk away, and then turned back. "For what it's worth, I hope she's okay."

"I hope so too," Lexa said.

Once he was gone, she closed the door and went back to the bed, crawling under the covers and wrapping her arms around Clarke carefully to hold her. Her breathing was slow and steady, but she made a soft sound as Lexa draped an arm over her chest, even though she was careful not to brush over the bandaged wound. 

"Shh," Lexa whispered. "It's all right. You're all right."

Clarke's eyes fluttered opened, and she groaned as she tried to move. Lexa pressed down with her arm slightly, trying to hold her still. "What's... happening?" she asked.

"Nothing you need to worry about," Lexa told her, even though it really wasn't true. There was plenty that they both needed to worry about. "Just rest and get better."

"Did Octavia... get away?" she asked.

Lexa nodded. "She left to go back to Arkadia." The only thing that gave Lexa any hope that Octavia wouldn't turn on her as soon as she was over the line was the fact that unlike the rest of the Sky People, Octavia didn't actually _hate_ her people. She even loved one of them, and maybe that would be enough. 

Clarke nodded. "My mother?"

"I've sent for her," Lexa said. 

"The blockade," Clarke said.

"To hell with it," Lexa said. 

"No," Clarke said. "If you change your decision now... if people find out... if they think like Titus..."

"He's only still alive because he's _Fleimkepa_ ," Lexa said. "Once a replacement has been chosen and he has taught them what they need to know, he will die for what he did."

Clarke looked at her, and Lexa couldn't tell if her frown was just from the pain or if she actually disapproved. "What happened to _jus nou drein jus daun_?"

" _Jus souda drein jus daun,_ " Lexa replied. "Even now, sometimes blood must still have blood. He betrayed me, betrayed my trust, tried to kill an ambassador of one of the Thirteen Clans. If he is allowed to live..." She shook her head. "He does not believe in the peace as we do. He does not think that what I wish for, what I've worked for, is possible. He thinks my feelings for you are a danger to me."

"Aren't they?" Clarke asked.

They were, and they both knew it, and what Lexa had said to Titus about being able to separate her feelings from duty... she wasn't as sure now as she had been then, even though so little time had passed, that that was true. Because that had been before, before she knew that the feelings were reciprocated, before they'd kissed again, before she'd surrendered herself to everything she never thought she would have again, before she'd allowed herself to open up and be vulnerable...

She didn't think she could ever fully reconstruct the mask she'd once worn, or rebuild the walls. The armor she'd worn didn't fit as well now as it had. 

"I made a choice once with my head and not my heart, and I almost lost you. I got you back, and somehow you found it in yourself to forgive me. I will not make the same mistake twice. This time... I will use my head and my heart, and I don't know what that will lead to. I only know that I will not lose you again."

Clarke looked ready to object, but then she just sighed. "I'm too tired to argue with you right now," she said, "and I hurt too much to think."

"I'll get something for you for the pain," Lexa said. "The healer left something in case you needed it." 

Clarke started to shake her head, but then her face twisted and she just nodded. Lexa fetched the small bottle that had been left, pouring some into the small cup that accompanied it. She helped Clarke sit up enough to drink it, and then laid her back down. 

"Rest," Lexa said. "I'll keep watch."

"You have guards..." Clarke said.

"I know," Lexa replied. "But I won't let anything happen to you. Just rest."

Even if Clarke had wanted to keep her eyes open, Lexa saw that the drug made it impossible, and in less than a minute she was asleep again.

Lexa propped herself against the headboard and watched the door, hoping that the next time someone came through it, it would be someone that she could trust... except she wasn't sure that there was anyone anymore. One hand on Clarke and the other on her knife, she kept watch.

**Author's Note:**

> I received a prompt asking what would happen if Clarke was shot instead of Lexa. This isn't everything I hoped it would be, but I kind of ran out of time, so...


End file.
